How can we make new friends as adults?
New adult friendships are often left to chance. We meet who we happen to be near us, work with us, and hope that resonance shows up on its own. I wanted to know what would happen if someone approached making adult friendships the way we approach hiring: state what you're looking for, invite people to apply, and take the process seriously.
So in November 2025 I advertised for friends. A job description. A real application. A written assignment. Group interviews. 1:1 interviews.
- 276 expressed interest
- 128 began applying
- 77 submitted the form
- 51 were aligned enough to move forward
- 34 joined the writing phase
- 14 joined group interviews
- 5 participated in 1-to-1 interviews
- 2 were “hired” as friends
In practice
The Friendship Experiment
- 01
A job description
A LinkedIn job listing noting what the role involved, who I am, what I could offer, and what I was actually looking for in a person — applying transparency as a filter.
- 02
An application
A social experience in survey form -- items showcasing personality, filtering for incompatibilities, and politely redirecting or declining where misalignment surfaced.
- 03
A written assignment
Public writing prompts, shared on Substack. People engaged with topics that resonated with them and with one another.
- 04
Group interviews
Small group video calls — so applicants could also meet each other. Several of the friendships that came out of this weren't with me.
- 05
1:1 interviews
Casual conversations to get to know where we align on friendship and whether we would be valuable additions to each other's lives.
Background
The Friendship Experiment began with a deeply personal question. Before a close friend died of cancer in 2024, we joked that replacing her would require a global talent search — and she dared me to try. A year later, I turned that joke into an actual experiment: what would happen if I approached making a new adult friendship with the same intention, structure, and care we routinely apply to recruiting for work?
I created a public LinkedIn job ad, screening survey, reflective writing assignment, group conversations, and 1:1 interviews — not to suggest that people are interchangeable, but to explore whether the conditions for connection could be designed more deliberately. Hundreds engaged with the idea; 77 completed the screening survey, 34 progressed through the writing stage, and 14 joined group conversations. What began as an individual attempt to make space for friendship became a broader experiment in connection design, self-reflection, compatibility, and community co-creation.
Findings
1 of 9
Key Takeaways
1. Design for multiple ways of showing up. Give people more than one way to participate or connect. Writing, conversation, groups, asynchronous exchange, and 1:1 interaction surface different strengths and different kinds of compatibility.
2. Filter for alignment, not sameness. Shared values can establish a useful foundation without requiring people to share backgrounds, personalities, interests, or ways of thinking.
3. Treat time and energy as design constraints. A connection opportunity only works if people can realistically sustain it. Build around actual adult bandwidth rather than an idealized model of participation.
4. Make reflection part of the experience. Good questions can create value before any relationship forms by helping people articulate what they need, what they offer, and what meaningful connection looks like to them.
5. Create opportunities for participants to find one another. A process designed around one central relationship can become more valuable when it allows lateral connections, shared conversation, and community to emerge.
6. Set expectations before emotional investment grows. Be clear about the purpose, limits, possible outcomes, and level of commitment involved — particularly when people may arrive carrying loneliness or a strong hope for belonging.
7. Design the ending as carefully as the invitation. Closure, redirection, and rejection are part of the experience. Communicating them clearly and humanely protects dignity without pretending that every connection should continue.
8. Design conditions, not outcomes. Meaningful relationships cannot be manufactured. What can be designed are the opportunities, prompts, environments, and repeated encounters that give compatible people a better chance of recognizing one another.
Your turn
What challenges have you experienced in making friends as an adult?
Time, energy, lack of options, not knowing where to look, incompatible schedules or goals -- whatever the issue(s) may be, what's kept you from finding your people these days?